Friday, March 30, 2007

Piece of "Dear Amnesia"

So I started reading my LiveJournal from the beginning. I wanted to see exactly where I was in 2004. I found a post I had made with an small sample of the novel I've been writing for about, well 3 years now. I of course remember the sample. I've read a thousand times. But what I didn't remember were the comments. So I decided to post the sample here and include one anonymous comment that made me laugh.

The Doctors Office:

Saturday night at the gas station. All anyone ever comes in for are lotto tickets and cigarettes. Half of everybody who comes in is either drunk or on their way to being drunk. All I want is a fucking beer and a one way ticket to anywhere but here.
A woman walks in all sketched out.I suspect she’s illiterate and I quickly realise I’m right as she has me reading everything to her. She wants to use her bank card to purchase some smokes, and I have to baby-step her through it about eight times. It’s excruciating in a way that only public servants understand. In my discomfort I have the urge to lunge over the counter and put her out of my misery. But I don’t. I suck it up ad smile, while a line up of disgruntled customers pile up behind her with a hate on for me. That's the best part about public service. All those people who sit there and count out their pennies, waisting everybody’s time, all those paper money fanatics, they’re not the ones that everyone hates. They hate the clerk.It couldn't possibly be the annoying customer in front of them that's been standing there for 10 minutes searching for that last penny...
If the customers aren’t enough to make you prey for death, then you should actually see the store that I work in. It’s bright yellow. Yellow like you wouldn’t believe. Even the customers complain about the colour of the walls. I always say “ think how i feel, I stare at this for eight hours at a time. You can leave whenever you want.” I can be like that. A bit of an asshole. I don’t really mean to be, but because I do it with a smile, people always just laugh and don’t take offense. I swear you can say almost anything with the right tone of voice and a big smile and no one will hear what your saying. They just see and your face, hear the pitch of your voice and play along. Ever play that game? You know, where you say hi to someone in a strange way? Then they say hi, right back to you,in exactly the same way? Well it’s kind of like that. Totally subconscious. People are sheep. Anyway, the walls are putrid and when I’ve been there for 14 hours working a double shift into graveyard, I start to feel ill. I gotta go outside and look at the black ground or the black sky. Anything but that terrible yellow.
Devon walks in. Devon walks in and opens his mouth. He opens his mouth and says “I love you Amy”. Devon is this seventeen year old kid who shaves his head and bikes all over the city. i see him almost everywhere I go. He’s always at the bowl in the park doing amusing little tricks on his bike. Devon is kinda cute. Cute in the sense that he’s seventeen and has a pretty girlfriend who he willingly cheats on every chance he gets. I work with him. One night on back shift I ended up kissing this strange little kid. yes I know, bad me. What do I think I’m doing kissing someone who’s still in high school? But anyway hes a little horn dog and I find that interesting.
My reply to Devon is simple. “I know” I get cocky sometimes, just because people hand it to me. Give me the up sometimes. Might as well take it and run.I’m also not into joking around right now. I drank four cups of rancid coffee that we brew in the store and I felt nauseous. I needed to get out of that vomit coloured shit hole. Seriously, the walls reminded me of this nasty yellow vomit my dog once puked up. I suffer it with a smile and a Death Cab album. “so this is the new year, and I don’t feel any better” exactly what i was thinking Ben. I moved back to Halifax after a year of my home town. trying to look at life differently, start over, make new friends. I have somewhat. but I don’t feel any better. I guess environment means shit.
I always thought that your surroundings were responsible for sadness and depression. I’ve been in denial of clinical depression for years. Believing myself to be a victim of my environment, that by getting myself into a more positive habitat, I wouldn’t find myself so hopeless. So either everywhere is hopeless, or it’s just me. My entire family has been medicated except for me. I refuse it. I’ll get over it all myself I say. But years of “getting over it” myself isn’t panning out so well and i find myself in the doctors office after work again at my mothers request.This will achieve nothing. I’m doomed to ride this out.
I hate the doctors office. it’s cold and full of disease. I liked my doctor even though he had his hands in my crotch, which any girl will agree is completely un-nerving. Especially when your doctor is closer to your age than most of your boyfriends.
“Amy for Dr. Carbyn” I recite to the lady at the front desk. She looks over worked and I look like I haven’t slept in days. To top that off, I’ve had the shits for two solid weeks and I‘m preying that they have a public washroom. (yeah I told you girls shit. you didn’t believe me did you?) I run to the bathroom after she points the way. I’m pasty and craving a cigarette, but lighting up in a doctors bathroom seems somewhat inappropriate of course. There are cups by the sink and I reach for one...but wait, this is a doctors office.... who pissed in those cups? I hesitate and begin to wander the path these cups may have traveled to find themselves sitting on a counter stacked near a sink. They looked suspicious. really suspicious. They weren’t those typical little bathroom dixie cups that you’d expect to see. They were plastic and clear... Clear? So you could see its contents? i hesitate more, how thirsty am i?Well Amy lets think about this, who’s gonna leave a piss cup near a sink? I might. Well, it is one of those perfect crimes. No one would ever know. It’s the same reason I don’t leave my toothbrush in the bathroom, god knows who would grab it and give it a nice swipe around the toilet. Or maybe they were rinsed out and neglected... who knows! Well they don’t look used. I shake my head. I’m loosing it. I’m paranoid, I’m psychotic. I pick up a cup rebelling against my own deluded thoughts and fill it with rancid city water.God I’d almost rather drink the piss.How long have i been in here? Fuck. I run out and sit down in the waiting room, hoping I didn’t miss my turn to chat with the all knowing human inspector.

Good timing though, the doctor is just heading out of his room and calls my name. I saunter into the office head down, trying not to let anyone in the room see my face. Do they think I’m pregnant? I bet they think I’m going in to see if I’m pregnant. I bet they think that I’m a whore....It always bothered me to be a teenager and go into a doctors office looking perfectly healthy. I always thought people would assume I was a disgraceful little girl running around fucking random teenage boys. Maybe they didn’t.

Anyway, he closes the door behind me, I get nervous. I always get nervous when strange men close doors. “I haven’t seen you in a while Amy.” it’s true, it’s been a good two years since I’ve stepped foot into that place. Since i got over mono, since I left Danny.
There’s far too much silence in here. it makes me anxious and suddenly I feel like bolting for the door. This is the uneasy part where my doctor asks me why I’m here, and what do i say? “uh, I feel like shit? I’m loosing it? I’ve been putting cigarettes out on my arms all week for kicks? I took up smoking 2 months ago even though i’ve never smoked in my life? Do I tell him I’m madly in love with this boy who left? Do I tell him about you? About you my close friend, who lost his mind. how you can’t remember anything that's happened in the last four months? Do I tell him about my childhood? No. I hesitate and I say “My grandfather passed away and I guess i’m not dealing with it so well. My mom wanted me to come in.” At least that he can understand.

It happened a week ago and completely pushed me off my feet. Among all the shit that happened, I’ve been fairly balanced, but this flattened me. It was the end of the line.

He replies that he’s sorry to hear about it. Hands me this pamphlet on grief. That was pretty much it. He hustled me out of the office with a piece of paper and bought himself more time for more patients.
I felt pretty insignificant and as I was leaving I kept feeling guilty. Who the hell am I to bother anyone with my depression when people are dying everywhere. And who the hell am I to even want to die? Wanting to throw it all away when so many people don’t have the choice between life or death.I felt like I was insulting every terminal patient in the world. Selfish, and I head back home feeling worse than before.

-End of Chapter-

The premise of this novel (that remains unfinished) : The story is written as if they were letters to an old friend who suffers from short term memory loss and amnesia. The title of the unfinished novel is "Dear Amnesia" but I've toyed with changing the title to many other things. I always end up reverting back to this one however.

Now the funny comment about this on my livejournal is:

"it's good, needs a spell check but it's a good build to a good depth. I find it interesting that there is little description of all of the surrounding characters, only the ones that stand out to the narrator. It builds properly to the crux of the piece that the narrator is depressed so all of these surrounding characters would be dull to the narrator's mind leaving the reality of why this Devon kid would stand out intact. It's realistic and honest writing that manages to get across the internal feelings of a narrator rather than to follow the formulas of organizational writing that make a lot of writing sound the same. Keep it real like this, edit some, spell check much, I wanna read the next installment... I prefer this time of run on writing when it builds like that and the explanation comes out slowly, it's akin to learning the narrator from the inside out. More interesting than "she had black hair and was depressed"

I to this day have no idea who this person is. I find it funny that they merely observationally wrote about my chapter.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Doomed to play the waitress forever?

I've been working for the same company for just over a year now. After the first two months of employment with this corporation, I went from temporary fulltime office clerk to permanent fulltime sales coordinator. This meant a double in salary plus benefits and commissions. It's a really good position and an enormous step up from where I started and I earned it.

When I started here, I brought my female boss coffee about 4 times a day. She loves coffee. Then it slowly became getting my female co-worker coffee as well. Then it became getting the bigger boss coffee...then it became getting out technical support technician coffee and finally our marketing specialist. Lets not forget any visitors that might be here. In the run of a day I make roughly 6 to 7 coffees about 4 to 5 times a day. Now that I am no longer office bitch and have been promoted to a permanent person with demanding sales responsibilities, I'm actually still doing all this.

I thought I kind of of risen above office paper pushing clerk, coffee gal. I suppose not. To make things ever-so much fun, my male boss often remarks "make me a sandwich while your at it!" or "can't you make some muffins or cinnamon buns?" Although he's joking, its just typical and indicative of his personality and that he really does see women as sustenance fetching vehicles. There are dozens and dozens of other examples of blatant sexism but they do not relate to this article because this particular rant is about the dispensing drinks.

My current situation is, I am about to meet with one of the big corporate head haunchos to discuss my future with the company. I am up for a new position and a bigger salary. What's to say that if I am awarded the position that I won't still be playing the role of cocktail waitress?

Chivalry and Romance Dead?

I wanted to address the existence and non-existence chivalry and romance in North American Dating rituals. (I don't know anything about the rest of the world)

I have often thrown around such statements as "chivalry is dead". I do believe that its almost completely extinct. This is often blamed on the feminism, which I just find really funny. Anti-feminist groups spouting rehtoric about the death of romance and the "hook-up" culture being responsible for it. After all, if 'women weren't giving away the milk for free, maybe we'd get something out of it'. To me this is laughable. Who has this outlook on dating? Do some women really expect to be paid in dinners, movies and flowers before they sleep with a person? It sounds like covert prostitution - okay thats a little extreme, granted. But what person puts a price on their willingness to engage in sexual activity? I know I don't. But I have met gals in the past who would only sleep with a guy if he showed her the "right" time, the "right" amount of times. On the other hand, I've met those gals who run out everynight hooking up with different guys and then becoming attached and confused when the hook-up leads to nothing more than a one night stand.

However, I don't think chivalry is completely dead and forgotten. I believe that men have used "gender equality" as an excuse to not show their appreciation to their significant other.However, not all men of course. I've known many men, and young men, who wine and dined me. (never got flowers before tho) But there are men who do sweet things. I also don't think all ownership to be romantic lies on the man. I love taking my boyfriend to romantic dinners, or making them myself at home and enjoying a romantic evening.

I think that the reason women believe chivalry is dead, lies largely in the type of men they socialize with. Not every guy is going to be sweet and spoiling. However, I do agree that it is really really hard to find a good man and a good man who's personality is compatable with your own.

Dating is so complicated. There is no sure fire solution. There's no guaranteed way to meet the person of your dreams. It just happens or it doesn't. When I'm single and looking, I try people on. I don't get serious with anyone right away and I date multiple people at once. I may even sleep with some of them. But chivarly and romance isn't actually dead. You just have to look really really hard for it.

But seriously, why would you want a man who feels he must "buy" your bedtime romps? The key to knowing you got bad egg, is that the romantic dinners and flowers stop after the first few times you've fucked.

Gender Equality Cause of Illness!

You've got the read this!

It's article about how gender equality is bad for your health.. It's so fucking stupid. I laughed so hard!

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Pan's Labyrinth

Last night I saw Pan's Labyrinth last night. I read online that the Spanish title, actually translates to "The Labyrinth of the Faun". There is no Pan and apparently the director said that the faun-like character in the movie is not Pan.

Okay the movie was really scarey. As desensitized as I am, the gore made me cringe in parts and the strange white beast depicted in the paintings as a child eating monster on its own walls, was terrifying to look at. It sat motionless at a great table and I was riddled with anxiety waiting for it to move.

The movie is about a young girl who must fufill tests inorder to return to the magical world she is descended from. She must complete 3 tasks as the world she was born into crumbles around her. In the middle of the Spanish Civil War, our young heroin accompanies he mother to a Mill that has been set up as a military fort. She is forced to live with widowed mother who remarries a tyrant Captain. Most of the movie, you just want that Captain to die.

Although I enjoyed the movie, the entire time you are just waiting for Felia to get into the magical world. The movie is almost more about the rebellion than the labyrinth.

I won't give away any of the surprises. But I will say that ending was satisfactory although not exactly a child's ending. In whole, this is somewhat a grims fairytale. I did enjoy it however. The pace of the movie is well-balanced between the reality of the war and fantasy of the labyrinth quests.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Tenacious D- The Pick of Destiny

I finally got to see this. My boyfriend picked it up for me at the store while I layed sick in bed watching Woody Allen oldies. I really enjoyed the beginning of this movie! It freaking rocked. That kid that played Jack Black as an angsty child that liked to say fuck, was awesome. So funny! There were guest appearances by some of rocks finest! Dave Grohl is the devil! Dio plays himself. Immediately I laughed when little Jacks father enters the scene and is played by Meatloaf.

I had heard the Sasquatch song somewhere before and remembered thinking it was too rediculous to be funny but now in the context of the movie, its freaking hillarious.

I missed this movie in the theater and remember hearing very little about it when it was released. Turns out the movie made little more than 12 million worldwide.This could have been attributed to the fact that it was release during the Borat uproar, proving once again that timing is everything.

There's nothing overly originaly about the movie. The plot is simply about 2 losers looking for a legendary pick that made all the great rock icons famous. The movie is litered with rock referrences and like so many great movies, pokes fun at the die hard rocker who's fat, lazy and doesn't work, who clings desperately to a dream of one day living the sweet party life of rock and roll. Perhaps this isn't overly relatable to the general public, but it was for me.

Basically, if you play guitar or obssess about rock n roll you'll find this movie amusing. And I mean, come on! it's Tenacious D!

Friday, March 16, 2007

The Smashing Pumpkins are teasing me. They have confirmed a date in Toronto for the Virgin festival in September. Bjork will also be joining the festival. They also dangle a release date for their 6th album, right in front of my nose.That being 7.7.07. That's so cruel. Why can't they just surprise me and have a record all ready.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a hopeless Pumpkins fan. I've been waiting for this day for a long time! Pretty much ever since I saw them play their last Canadian date with Summersault.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

I saw the movie "300" last night. This is another movie adaptation a Frank Miller graphic novel. You may remember the last one being "Sin City" staring some of Hollywood's favorite male actors. (there wasn't really a big female role. They just picked up some uber sexy gals to play those and the same is true for "300")

The first 20 minutes of the movie was cheesy. So much though that I actually started snickering during the cheesy sexy scene and then my boyfriend followed. The Narration (and I am fond of narration in movies, like the Royal Tennanbalms with Alec Baldwin) was not among the best and actually carried through the entire movie. It did tie together in the end as the movie was the retelling of a story... but why so much! The narrator spoke more often than any other character in the damn movie, a raspy voice speaking of first hand experiences.

The cinematography was much like that of "Sin City". It's really hard not to compare the two movies. The camera playing with filters, tinging entire scenes an off gray and then yellow, making the Spartans lovely red cloaks the highlight of nearly every scene. I don't think there was a single set for one scene of this movie. It must be awful to be an actor who works infront of a blank scene all day. Although the backgrounds were stunning tapestries woven of the new artists of todays technology, they were infact woven and nowhere near organic. Only a movie such as this could get away with doing so. Given that the whole movie was based on illustrations, we can admire the backgrounds and surealism the whole movie reflects. - To add to that, the battle scenes were outstanding. Although grouesome, and often horrific, they were relatively unbloody which I found odd in comparison to the poster that screamed, "blood and gore". I love a good war movie and this movie had a certain braveheart feel except with a prettiness that reminds you that you are watching a movie. This movie is felt like an adult bedtime story. Like a grims fairytale. The cinematography reminds you that, this just isn't real. I liked that.

For those who have not read the graphic novel, you may not understand that this movie is rooted more-so in fantasy than reality. The movie is based on the fight between Sparta and the Persians headed by Xerxies. The Persians fight with disfigured humans and monsters on their side. There are a lot of monsters in this movie. It's not realistic. It's not sapose to be. This could throw some people off when they are expecting to see a period piece.

Again like "Sin City" the roles of the women were weak and more or less eye candy for the male audience. That was a terrible pain. Some tits and a couple lines.. woohoo.

A big problem I had with this movie was that the characters were just as one-dimensional as the plot. So, I really could care less if they live or died. Every character in the movie was the exact same character.

In the end, hidden behind a strong viel of geniously crafted visual effects, the movie felt quite ammature.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Ezra Moon Debut Album! -Something to get excited about!

Better than Ezera!? Hehe most likely better. Anyway.. This album by "Ezra Moon" got a really good review from Tiny Mix Tapes! They compared the band to "Mazy Star" and "The Cranes" both of which are high ranking bands in my music library. I can't wait to check out this album! Read the review!

Monday, March 12, 2007

Ha-ha! Take that Non-Evolution Believers!

From Water To Land

Scientists created a robot that could explain how the first vertibrates got to walking on land! Just another RESEARCHED tidbit of information to support evolution. Yeay!

Take a look at it! It's this cute little surpetine robot.. awe so cute! and so pro-evolution! I think it needs a little flag saying "I came, I swam, I crawled and then I kicked your creationist asses!"

My Towns Music Scene

So I put on shows for rock bands. Yeay. However, I've recently discovered that doing so where I live is just stupid. Its over saturated and unfortunately, popularity is key to getting people out to your shows. I'm just not popular. So I give up. No point in doing this in any large scale, which I was hoping to do. I don't mean making money. I just mean I wanted to have a few shows that got a lot of people and have a fun time.

I have had some good shows, but I have recently gotten into a bind and I found that all my efforts and money invested is wasted on bands who a) aren't serious and b) don't show my efforts any credit or return favors. So since I'm neither making money, getting favors or making contacts for future shows, why the hell am I investing time, money and effort to do this? It's stressful and ceased being fun.

Fuck the music scene here, its obvious why it sucks. There is just so little support.

Friday, March 9, 2007

Apparently snoring is a huge problem for Brits! I just roll my boyfriend over if he's snoring, that usually works.BBC News Article

"Sleeping on your side rather than back can help."

- see the article agrees with me!

Thursday, March 8, 2007

Today is Blog Against Sexism Day...

There, I have done my part. I was going to tell a story about my trouble being a female musician...but I'm too lazy.

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Species Not Fit For This Planet : The Ant

Ah the Ant! Mother natures most ignored empire! If mother nature really cared for the ant then they would be technologically advancing. Alas! The ant has made no effort to advance, in their over 120 million years on this earth!

And thats why the Ant is today's choice for my new series of articles: "Species Not Fit For This Planet!"

The ant is said to have evolved from a prehistoric wasp..which would make this the first and last creditable advancement for the ant. Ant's have no hearts or lungs. Ants absorb oxygen through tiny pores in their exoskeletan. They don't even have lungs for christ sake! Not too mention, mother nature figured that ants dont even need to see! Many ants are totally blind! To make up for this, mother nature gave them some crappy feelers that are organs which omit pheromones.

The ant does however, know how to perpetuate itself. The colony does works for the colony. This is a credit to its race for sure. If they weren't so damn stupid they could build a super computer and take over the universe like the borg! They already have the Queen and organization! They just need to put things on a grand scale!

I once saw this creepy movie made back in the 70s about ants that bore into people and control them. I think the movie was actually called "Antz". So the ants take over the world by taking over people and they run technology and yadda yadda. If the Ants did this in real life, I would deem them fit for this world. However, they have not accomplished this and that means they have not advanced in science or technology.. so they are not fit for this planet. It's too bad cause they could have been the next borg.

My Inferiority Complex.

I have this theory about kids who were spanked at any early age, grow up to become sexually deviant. Into stuff like S&M and such. (as common as s&m is nowadays, its still viewed as a deviation) Anyway, I was spanked as a child. Actually I was punished for almost anything as a child. I was encouraged to sit in silence. Most times if I did open my mouth I would end up saying the wrong thing, and be punished. I think this is why I had a hard time making friends as a child. I was always dominated over by the other children and quite shy apon any introductions. I didn't see my parents as authority figures so much as I thought they were more important than me so I got this enormous inferiority complex. It uncomfortably seeped into my adolescence and I didn't speak up at all, shut up when other people spoke (even if they rudely interupted me or were making hurtful comments) because I thought that everyone was more important and completely superior to me. Therefore, who was I to interupt or bother people with my lame comments.

I started getting better in my teens. Kind of realising how things really were. I was loosing the conditioning I received as a child. I knw my parents weren't trying to make me feel this way, but matter factly, thats how things ended up.

I think the first time I told a joke in class, and everyone laughed, was when I realised that I may be equal to those around me. That was in grade 8.

Getting back to the original topic, I do think being physically disiplined as a child has a strong effect on peoples personalities as they grow. Not only does that sort of thing "break" a child, it stays engrained on your personality.

I was some forums about parents with problem children. My boyfriend's mother swearing that he was a problem child and they found out he has ADHD..which I can tell you has not gone away. But what if you were like me. I have attention problems, trouble organizing my thoughts and I'm dyslexic. I couldnt read for the longest time and almost failed every year of elementary school. But I wasn't stupid.. no one picked up on these problems. As a result I was rediculed and yelled at by teachers,parents and my peers. I think that this is greatly contributed my inferiority complex as well.

Wikipedia defines an inferiority complex as:

" in the fields of psychology and psychoanalysis, is a feeling that one is inferior to others in some way. Such feelings can arise from an imagined or actual inferiority in the afflicted person. It is often subconscious, and is thought to drive afflicted individuals to overcompensate, resulting either in spectacular achievement or extreme antisocial behavior, or both. Unlike a normal feeling of inferiority, which can act as an incentive for achievement, an inferiority complex is an advanced state of discouragement, often resulting in a retreat from difficulties."

This was so me growing up. Maybe this was everyone.. I dunno. Why couldn't I have had something cool like a Napolean complex!? The funny thing is I didn't actually start feeling shitty until I was around 12. Then I started to get really depressed. I think I stayed depressed. Before that tho, I just thought it was my place. I really thought that the people around me were in total command of me, my life and my actions. I was a follower. When I started to realise this, I got really depressed...withdrawn and started changing my point of view towards others.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Running With Scissors

Why the hell didn't this movie get better reviews?? The weird thing is, that thought I read dozens of reviews that gave the movie 3/5 or 7/10, B+, all the reviews neglected to mention what was so faulty with the movie that it didn't deserve a higher rating!?

Personally, I love this movie. Although I have not yet read the book (as I plan to) I think the movie is great! And why compare the movie to the book anyway. You can't fit an entire book accurately into an hour and 40 minutes of film. Harry Potter couldn't do it and neither can Running with Scissors. At any rate, I strongly urge people to see this movie. So fucking good.

Monday, March 5, 2007

Obituary #2

Cammy B. Portchnik- has ascended to the heavens today after she descended down a flight of stairs. She leaves behind a loving boyfriend and 3 small pieces of string. It is not known how Cammy lived out her life in Ottawa, ON., only that she was new residence, arriving there in late 2005. Tragically, she was never able to accomplish her dream of becoming an acrobat.

Service will be held at the Aloha Room Thrusday, March 8th. from 9:30PM to 11:00PM . Donations are accepted by way of Stella Artois and Jaggermiester.

Zombies & Lazor Swords.

My boyfriend has a theory that any movie can be marginally improved by the appearance of zombies and lazor swords.(like light-sabers)I am about to put this theory to the test by disecting aclaimed films.

(William and his men into the scene. William's face is painted solid

blue except for a sharp wedge of bare flesh pointing down over his

left eye.)

Veteran soldier: Fight against that? No, we will run, and we will live.

William: Aye, fight and you may die, run and you'll live. At least a while.
And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to
trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one
chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take
our lives, but they'll never take our freedom?! Alba gu bra! (Scotland


(The Scots cheer "Alba gu bra" repeatedly)

Cammy's Edit :It is at this point that the Scotts notice that it is not the English they are about to engage but an army of Zombies rotting in the golden sun. Then, William Wallace, draws out his sword and in the rays of the sun, his sword transforms into a LAZOR SWORD! This is a gift from god which he uses to qwell the English army of Zombies.


(Final Scene at the end of a staircase)

Rhett Butler: Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!

Cammy's Edit: It's at the moment as Rhett turns to walk away from Scarlet the she transforms into the living dead. Explination- She had been dying of TB for over a year without anyones knowledge! Zombie Scarlet exacts revenge for the cruel words and bites into Rhett's neck, tearing his inferior thyroid artery and then impales his almost lifeless body on a LASOR SWORD that had been carelessly left at the bottom of the stairs.


Cammy's Edit: for the Entire Movie, anyone who dies is immediately resurrected as a zombie by the evil power of the syph lord. Jar Jar Binks is the first to suffer this fate at the beginning of the movie where he is immediately decapitated by Ani. LASOR SWORD add, not neccessary.


Because I'm tired of typing script I'll give you the jist of the edit: Jack realises in the end that Tyler Dertan is actually a zombie and himself! Therefore he has to have a battle with the zombie within! Jack ends up cutting himself in half with his LAZOR SWORD.

Okay, now you try! edit movies to include Zombie and LASOR SWORDS. The edit doesn't neccessarily have to affect the outcome of the movie.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Obituary #1

CAMMY B- entered into rest suddenly yeseterday in Ottawa, ON. Feb 28th 2007. Cammy was crushed by an anvil from the sky while on her way to work Wednesday morning. She leaves behind, two sisters, two brothers, parents and a lover.

Funeral services will be held at the Aloha Room in Ottawa, Ontario on Saturday March 3rd 2007, 9:30PM until 1:30AM. Donations will be accepted by way of Jaggermeister or Stella Artoise.

Is Hip Hop Dead or Just Dying?

This article might just be a glimmer of hope for people who rock music to take ceneter-stage on the charts again...

I've never been a fan of the thug hip hop that seemed to consume video space after the demise of grunge and the failure of industrial music to surface into a mainstream movement. Rapping has dominated airwaves for the better part of a decade and even managed to seep into metal. It lived not only in the sex/drug and violence glorified street hip hop, but also in the mainstream top 40 bopper shit that included teen idols the likes of justin timberlake and christina agrulara. I couldn't be happier that the sales have dropped. Maybe some form of rock can step up or maybe not. Most likely we'll just hear the same convoluted garbage on the air.

Internet Trolls!.. watch out! your not welcome here!

So I now know what Trolling is - in reference to the internet! Wikipedia says:

"In Internet terminology, a troll is a person who enters an established community such as an online discussion forum and intentionally tries to cause disruption, often in the form of posting messages that are inflammatory, insulting, incorrect, inaccurate, absurd, or off-topic, with the intent of provoking a reaction from others."

I've also learned that the internet contains "communities", even established ones! Although these communities are public that doesn't neccessarily mean that you are welcome. They should have put that somewhere. I will state it here for everyones benefit- that should my blog become a community, not everyone will be welcome.

"Trolls can be existing members of a community that rarely post and often contribute no useful information to the thread, but instead make argumentative posts in an attempt to discredit another person..."

Wow! That's everybody on! But to be honest I love a good discussion, but I guess that gets interpreted as an arguement, so I guess discussion doesn't exist on the internet. Now we label those discussion oriented..wait sorry, ARGUEMENTATIVE surfers as Trolls. I didn't know the internet was trying to uphold some sort of etiquette like "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" . I always kinda thought the internet was pro-troll. It's the one place where you have amonimity if you want it, and being annonomous gives people the balls to say whatever they want. The result is a bunch of annonomous assholes but the internet seemed very inviting of that sort of thing.

So just to pose a theory
(and knowing that the internet is the future) One day we'll all be constantly connected to one big web of information like a sort of matrix, lets just call it A Collective. We could always be logged on, say with a wireless chip implanted in our brains...Let's just call it a cortical implant. So then would problems with communication on the internet be corrected?

Because the internet is soo fucking great, it tells us that we don't need things like inflection to have a discussion, sorry theres that word again.. my apologies..ARGUEMENT, instead it tells us that everything we type is left up to the reader to interpret...cause thats utopia right? Cause who cares about what someone was trying to express, we're only interested in what we thought they meant. Hopefully that will be fixed in the future when we no longer have to type and we'll communicate by streaming thoughts through our cortical implant.

Then! What if that matrix of thoughts and information, needed a way to organize itself because there would be massive chaos on an apocolyptic level if everyone is speaking all at once. (cause thats what people do, no one ever wants to listen to anyone else) So the collective needs a way to create peace and unity... Unity! humanity always wanted to unify itself so that we are not fighting over our differences. Imagine the productive force humanity could be if we were only united in our efforts! We could leave earth and maybe meet new civilizations. Yes if the collective could unite and organize us we could be the perfect force.. the trouble is deciding how to unify, which direction to go in yadda yadda... so we'll need to elect someone..possibly me..too restore order to the queen bee. and then we're Borg. Thats pretty much what we have to look forward to. I wondering if we'll still have sex? At least there won't be anymore internet trolls.