I know I'm a paranoid ass... this much I have accepted about myself. I'm paranoid. But I'm paranoid in really strange ways. See, I can walk around at 4 am alone downtown and not be worried about my safety.. well when I'm drunk I worry less. I'm paranoid in the type of way where I'm certain that there's some kind of hidden camera in the unisex bathroom at work. I'm so paranoid, that I go to great lengths to conceal myself while taking a piss.
I'm also paranoid in the way that, creepy male landlords in the past, have led me to believe that my shower and other intimate areas were also being watched! This had me scurrying around for a pin hole camera and fearing the bathroom. I dunno where exactly I developed this paranoia. I'm not the type of person who worries if her food has been poisoned or whether the CIA is tapping her phones. I'm more concerned about perverts. Living in a tallish apartment building accross from more tallish apartment buildings.. I find myself glancing out my window before I change to make sure there is no ass with binoculars.
I'm trying to put my finger on this paranoia. It's similar to my paranoia of being in high places when I'm drunk.(which I've recently gotten over) because one time I was really drunk I was completely convinced that jumping off of said high place would be an excellent idea. Okay so my version of drunk is not exactly other peoples version of drunk... at any rate... weird paranoia's and how to trace them? I got no clue.
Also, I'm pretty judgemental of older men.. in the sense that I look at most of them and think they're perverts... maybe thats because there are so many older men that are perverts and everyday I have an incident. example of yesterday:
I'm walking home from work and I see a friend across the road and I wave to her with a big smile and she waves back. all of a sudden I notice this old man standing nearly infront of her (who i wasn't paying attention to)was paying an awful lot of attention to me.. i think he thought i was waving to him, so a bit awkward but i just pass on by him and i see out of the corner of my eye, his whole body turn around and following me. So I'm walking pretty fast and taking swirvy streets to get home just to make sure I'm not paranoid. But he is following me! right until my apartment building is in view and luckily my boyfriend was headed in my direction! He gave me a big hug and kiss and I felt releived... however the man walked by us and stared at me with this really huge and creepy smile, I was wearing my sunglasses, the type you can't see peoples eyes through... and anyway, I noticed that tho his whole head was cranked nearly backwards watching as he was now in front of us...
another story is this creepy old man that takes my bus everyday. He's this fat old chinese man who obviously feels no shame in staring at womens breasts as they walk by and will even take a step back to take a real good look at random girls' asses. Now I had a problem with him first because before I noticed this behaviour I noticed that he would stand a meter away from me and stare at me with a smirk... just stare. The only reason I noticed is because I was looking for the bus. But he just stood there. If I was in the bus terminal, he would be on the other side of the glass facing me and staring. At first I thought it was my imagination, but then I was alone one day and he was clearly staring at me. It was making me very uncomfortable. This has been going on for over a year. He use to try and sit really close to me on the bus and I would always get up and move somewhere else on the bus. I have noticed tho over the last year how he goes through phases between staring at me for a month and staring at another for a month and bouncing back and forth. It's freaky. So what do you do? what do you say? He's just a pervert.. ignore him? I guess. All I know is, I'm keeping my keys accessable at the bus-stop.